Perspecitve

Confessions...

...of a failed blogger. Seriously! How hard is it to get on here and bare your soul? I've tried different things to motivate me on here. Maintaining consistency is often my downfall. Usually my people pleasing nature trumps the previous mentioned flaw, but since I don't know if anyone really reads this my pleasing side has no motivation. Of course I need to acknowledge the four kids I am a mother to and all the other household/wifely duties and baring my soul falls down on the list. But I will NOT give up! I will still visit this place, try new 30 day "fill in the blank" challenges and continue my list of things I'm grateful for.

Soul exposures of the day....

1. Listened to a radio program today where a woman reminded me that in order to be more in tuned to the Spirit's discernment I need to walk so much closer with my Lord. I let this fall by the wayside to easily. I talk to Him on and off all the time, but I treat this relationship to casually. Time for a change.
2. She also reminded me that it's not about us loving God, but that He's crazy in love with us. So freeing as I know I fail in my expression of love to Him constantly. His love overflows all my gaps.

letting go of the pb eggs

I've received 3 Easter cards. All from people on my side of the family. I don't' send Easter cards. I don't send any card except for birthdays and Christmas. However, Easter is the biggest deal. Without Easter all the other holidays wouldn't really matter. So why don't we send cards at Easter? I have been trying to do more with my children each year as they grow and learn. They know that Easter is about Jesus and not chocolate and eggs and bunnies or those awful peeps. (sorry to you peep lovers out there, but ick) My daughter told me that she told a girl on her bus about Easter and Jesus because the girl "didn't know about it." This makes me feel warm and fuzzy. That is probably the best way to celebrate Easter, telling others what it's really about. I'm thankful my 6 year old reminded me of this. I need to be challenged with the following question: if there were no more peanut butter eggs (my fave) at Easter, would I really be okay with that? I think so. I know so.

New

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion's never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.

Lamentations 3:22-24

We are not consumed because of His great love. How awesome is that? Last week I threw myself a pity party. What's worse is I invited some friends. Ugh. Let me just say that I am thankful for good friends, who still appear to want to be my friend, in spite of me. An example of that before mentioned great love. The invites went out when I started to feel lonely and like nobody loved me, respected me, blah blah blah. I was listening to lies. It's a slippery slope when you start to do that. After a long talk with one of those fab friends I took a walk and sobbed. I hadn't cried like that in a long time. I'm due every so often. It was there that the Lord reminded me that we've been here before but we don't have to stay. This same place of looking for contentment, security, significance, love, respect, comfort, etc. everywhere except the place where I already have it. I had slowly crept back towards putting this on people instead of leaving it in the Lord's hands. So of course I felt rotten for doing so but He reminded me that with Him every morning is new. Praise the Lord for that. I look forward to more new.

What for?

So I thought I'd try computer devotions and was wondering if I was flaking a bit on my devotions. I probably was, but never the less God met me in spite of me. I went to the LPM Blog and THIS is the first thing I read. Check it out. I thought it was quite relevant to my desire for scripture memory (what am I doing it for?) as well as the verses she chose. I often have to watch what I say or how I say something and I would like the Lord to conquer this in my life.

The other post that Beth is referring to is HERE. Also a worthy read, that caused some tears to stream down the cheeks.

It's not about me....in case you were wondering.

It's late and I need to go to bed. I've been slipping in and out of my insecurities lately and it's bugging the you know what out of me. I'll be in such a good place and then before you know it I remember that I'm fatter than ever and start taking everything personally. I nag my poor husband and if he answers me with any edge in his voice I am in tears. Perhaps it's woman stuff. Perhaps not. Anyway, while I'm still feeling crappy about myself I hear about something stupid that someone else has done. I can't wait to tell my poor husband and start to feel superior again! And then I get hit with reality. It's happened before. A dear friend in a bad place or dealing with something heavier than I could imagine and all I can think of is hitting my knees for them and of course to thank God for His patience and His forgiveness of one who is can be so petty. Today I get news of a dear one who has some heavy, scary stuff going on in her family. My weight, whether people like me, if I'm being a better parent than others...all nothing. There are people hurting on so many levels in this world, and they need to see that Jesus is real in their lives. I'm tired of this cycle, but I'm hoping that each round of it is one step closer to home.

No Sleep!

Last night the baby got up twice which could have been worse, but I was still wishing that it was zero times. I know I'm not the only mom who dreams of uninterrupted nights of sleep. I enter this place where I start to bargain with or even beg God for sleep. Is that too much to ask? Then last night this verse about God and how He neither slumbers nor sleeps came into my head. I'm sure it was by chance.

Psalm 121
I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made the heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever.

Who Needs Who?

God doesn’t need us. I have heard it preached that He does. I don’t think that’s true. He desires us, He wants us and He has chosen to weave us into His plan. But He doesn’t need us. We need Him. Our relationship with God is not codependent. Believing that God needs us may make us feel good, and more a part of things, but once again…it’s not about us. It’s about God. I find freedom in this. Not matter what I do I cannot mess up God’s plan. The outcome is written and I’m excited that He has chosen me to be a part of it. But I am not the reason it will or won’t work out. And it will work out. Our pastor said something on Sunday that I love, “God doesn’t need us to make Him look good. God is good.” amen? amen.

Missing Piece

When my mom was here and we were waiting for baby number three to arrive, she bought a box of puzzles. I must admit that I was not thrilled with the idea. Large puzzles have always annoyed me because I would look at them, add a piece or two and then get stuck. So when the first puzzle was started (there were 9 in the box I think) I wandered over, found a few pieces and before you knew it I could not tear myself away from it. The other night the kids wanted to do another one, which means I'll do it and now and then they'll check on the progress. Once again I became hooked and was determined to finish it, (it's a painting of Time Square) and it basically took me to nights and I finished it up yesterday morning. While I was placing in the last few pieces I stopped to examine a piece more closely and dropped it. I still haven't found it. So 749 pieces down, 1 to go. There are so many metaphors I could ramble on about when it comes to a missing piece. But lately I have been thinking about how I still think that things of this earth will "change my life". Those are the exact words that I think and sometimes speak when something new and yet temporal is about to enter my world. I said it when I got a new vacuum that I wanted for my birthday (did not change my life, but I don't dread vacuuming anymore). I recently said it after we decided to buy a dishwasher. All the while there is God's voice in my head saying, "Um excuse me, I believe that I change your life." Yes, HE's right....not vacuum's and dishwashers (although they are part of His blessings) or even a million dollars will change my life in the way that He can and has, and continues to. I don't want to be waiting on a lottery that I don't play to fall into my lap, and then I can do amazing things for God. I want to learn to serve in the small things, in my home, in prayer, behind the scenes, and then not be afraid when the big ones that I've asked for come along.

He Will Come!

I have been listening to this song a lot lately. I just finished a Bible study in Daniel and so the subject of the end times has been rolling around in my head. There was a time in my life where I honestly did not look forward to the Lord's return as much as I should have or do now. I was younger and had some things that I wanted to do first, marriage, kids, travel, etc. And though I'm thankful that I have been able to experience all though things now, I realize how temporal all this is. I have heard it said that this life on earth is an exhale and eternity is where we inhale. I want to live in the moment and enjoy the time I have here, but I still want to have eternity in the forefront of my mind. Which, I suppose, will help me to treasure what little time we have here, and to live it well.

When I first heard this song I was sure that they had a spy cam following me around, it describes me down to the Chevy and spilling things, not seeing myself as the Father does....beautiful.

He Will Come
by Don Chaffer and Lori Chaffer

Soon it will be hammered into what she calls her silly head
That she really isn’t silly but she’s beautiful instead
But every time she gets a hold of something pretty, it slips away
So she keeps hoping that someday soon

CHORUS
He will come. He will come
He will comfort all that’s hardened
Change the deserts into gardens
And we all will see His face.
He will come. He will come.
He will soften all the starkness
Break the chambers of our darkness
And we’ll all be overwhelmed

She spilled her coffee in her Chevy on the way to work at 8:05
She always thought that she was clumsy and she hated it and wondered why
She can handle any tragedy that happens but not little things like this
So she keeps hoping that someday soon

He will come. He will come
He will comfort all that’s hardened
Change the deserts into gardens
And we all will see His face.
He will come. He will come.
He will soften all the starkness
Break the chambers of our darkness
And we’ll all be overwhelmed

Within the world of a girl, the words she hears they mean an awful lot
And the music in her mind when she gets older has the lyrics she was taught
And when she gets to heaven all the right things will be said
And He will look on her with favor

He will come. He will come
He will comfort all that’s hardened
Change the deserts into gardens
And we all will see His face.
He will come. He will come.
He will soften all the starkness
Break the chambers of our darkness
And we’ll all be overwhelmed

He will come. He will come.
He'll remove His flaming garment,
Place it on the lowest harlot,
And we all will see His face.
He will come. He will come.
All my scars will turn to fountains
All my valleys into mountains
And we all will see His face
He will come. He will come.
All you watchmen lift your voices
Then every boy and girl rejoices
when we’ll all be overwhelmed .