Mom

a little tribute to my mom click here

Comfort

I have a picture in my head. I've walked into my house one evening and I see my mom standing at my sink, my grandma is next to her, holding my youngest son (3 months old) and his head is resting on her shoulder in complete comfort. I don't get to see this often as these women live 3000 miles away. But Sunday night my husband and I came home to this picture and I was filled with warmth. The women in my family, in my home guarding my children, perhaps this is no big deal to you. For me it was a reminder to not take for granted what time I have with my family, and to be thankful that I have women ahead of me that have wisdom that only come from the Lord and a willingness to love and care for me and mine.

Who Needs Who?

God doesn’t need us. I have heard it preached that He does. I don’t think that’s true. He desires us, He wants us and He has chosen to weave us into His plan. But He doesn’t need us. We need Him. Our relationship with God is not codependent. Believing that God needs us may make us feel good, and more a part of things, but once again…it’s not about us. It’s about God. I find freedom in this. Not matter what I do I cannot mess up God’s plan. The outcome is written and I’m excited that He has chosen me to be a part of it. But I am not the reason it will or won’t work out. And it will work out. Our pastor said something on Sunday that I love, “God doesn’t need us to make Him look good. God is good.” amen? amen.

Freedom and Boundaries

Growing up I remember my mom reading the writings of Watchman Nee. I picked up a few of his books at a Library sale a year or two ago and I have finally picked them up. Since I am reading a couple of other big books right now, I chose The Joyful Heart; Daily Meditations. Another reason I chose it is because it is a daily reading type of book and since I struggle with just picking up my Bible everyday this sort of thing helps me to do that. On Tuesday I read this:

"And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they themselves also may be sanctified in truth." John 17:19

As the sinless Son of God, Jesus enjoyed freedom far exceeding any we have on earth. There is much that we may not do or say because we are so full of defects and defilement, but that was never true of him. And yet, notwithstanding, his faultlessness, he deliberately refrained from doing many things which for him would have been quite legitimate, from speaking many words which he might lawfully have spoken, and justifiably have taken. These were some of the ways in which he "sanctified" himself, refraining from much that was lawful for his disciples' sake.

What it means is that when holiness was in view, the Lord Jesus thought not merely of his own holiness but of ours. For our sakes he accepted limitations. The opposite of holiness is not sin but commonness. Commonness means: I do what is common practice to everyone. Holiness means: Others may do something but, in this instance at least, I may not. To sanctify ourselves is to accept restraint from God upon our spirits. As with the Lord Jesus, this may often be for the sake of others.

This really hit home as I have struggled with this for years. Balancing freedom and grace with living a holy and purposeful life. I love art in all forms (film, music, paintings, dance, etc.) and though perhaps the way the art is displayed as a whole appears beautiful to me, perhaps the content is not piece by piece edifying. Do I allow separation of that depending on the circumstance? Do I take into account that I'm all alone or whether or not non-believers or new believers are present, or should I just be 100% consistent in these decisions. I think that with the turn some churches are taking there is this idea of telling the world we are just like them so the world will accept us. The Bible tells us that isn't going to happen. We are not like the world and the world will hate us for it. What's the point if we are to be the same? I know that I often want to be sure that I don't come across too judgemental, or stuffy or a prude if you will, instead of being concerned about living up to the way I am seen by God, holy. He sees me this way because Christ died for my sins, rose from the dead and is now standing in front of me as a filter of light and cleanliness. I wonder if some of the choices I make spit on that.

Velcro

"No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price, for I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God which cost me nothing." 2 Samuel 24:24

I read this yesterday and was challenged in how I live for the Lord, how I give to Him. I will say to Him, "Anywhere, anytime, anything Lord." But my life often lives a "anywhoodie... la de da" and I'll ignore the Holy Spirit's leading and go my own way. I suppose I don't do that in all things, but mostly in the things that will cost me something when the push comes to shove. And it's funny because I really think I would obey in the big public things. It's the little things that affect my comfort zone that are the challenge. But then I'm not doing it for the Lord but for me, which is why perhaps He doesn't let me out too much these days. And what does it cost me really? If I truly believe that our time here is a just a breath, does it really cost me anything? It costs me my pride. That thing I keep trying to throw away but it sticks like Velcro. So I'll just have to keep ripping it off.

sidenote: in the previous post I mentioned a missing piece. so yesterday I put the puzzle away and 20min. later I found the piece...grrr...

Missing Piece

When my mom was here and we were waiting for baby number three to arrive, she bought a box of puzzles. I must admit that I was not thrilled with the idea. Large puzzles have always annoyed me because I would look at them, add a piece or two and then get stuck. So when the first puzzle was started (there were 9 in the box I think) I wandered over, found a few pieces and before you knew it I could not tear myself away from it. The other night the kids wanted to do another one, which means I'll do it and now and then they'll check on the progress. Once again I became hooked and was determined to finish it, (it's a painting of Time Square) and it basically took me to nights and I finished it up yesterday morning. While I was placing in the last few pieces I stopped to examine a piece more closely and dropped it. I still haven't found it. So 749 pieces down, 1 to go. There are so many metaphors I could ramble on about when it comes to a missing piece. But lately I have been thinking about how I still think that things of this earth will "change my life". Those are the exact words that I think and sometimes speak when something new and yet temporal is about to enter my world. I said it when I got a new vacuum that I wanted for my birthday (did not change my life, but I don't dread vacuuming anymore). I recently said it after we decided to buy a dishwasher. All the while there is God's voice in my head saying, "Um excuse me, I believe that I change your life." Yes, HE's right....not vacuum's and dishwashers (although they are part of His blessings) or even a million dollars will change my life in the way that He can and has, and continues to. I don't want to be waiting on a lottery that I don't play to fall into my lap, and then I can do amazing things for God. I want to learn to serve in the small things, in my home, in prayer, behind the scenes, and then not be afraid when the big ones that I've asked for come along.

He Will Come!

I have been listening to this song a lot lately. I just finished a Bible study in Daniel and so the subject of the end times has been rolling around in my head. There was a time in my life where I honestly did not look forward to the Lord's return as much as I should have or do now. I was younger and had some things that I wanted to do first, marriage, kids, travel, etc. And though I'm thankful that I have been able to experience all though things now, I realize how temporal all this is. I have heard it said that this life on earth is an exhale and eternity is where we inhale. I want to live in the moment and enjoy the time I have here, but I still want to have eternity in the forefront of my mind. Which, I suppose, will help me to treasure what little time we have here, and to live it well.

When I first heard this song I was sure that they had a spy cam following me around, it describes me down to the Chevy and spilling things, not seeing myself as the Father does....beautiful.

He Will Come
by Don Chaffer and Lori Chaffer

Soon it will be hammered into what she calls her silly head
That she really isn’t silly but she’s beautiful instead
But every time she gets a hold of something pretty, it slips away
So she keeps hoping that someday soon

CHORUS
He will come. He will come
He will comfort all that’s hardened
Change the deserts into gardens
And we all will see His face.
He will come. He will come.
He will soften all the starkness
Break the chambers of our darkness
And we’ll all be overwhelmed

She spilled her coffee in her Chevy on the way to work at 8:05
She always thought that she was clumsy and she hated it and wondered why
She can handle any tragedy that happens but not little things like this
So she keeps hoping that someday soon

He will come. He will come
He will comfort all that’s hardened
Change the deserts into gardens
And we all will see His face.
He will come. He will come.
He will soften all the starkness
Break the chambers of our darkness
And we’ll all be overwhelmed

Within the world of a girl, the words she hears they mean an awful lot
And the music in her mind when she gets older has the lyrics she was taught
And when she gets to heaven all the right things will be said
And He will look on her with favor

He will come. He will come
He will comfort all that’s hardened
Change the deserts into gardens
And we all will see His face.
He will come. He will come.
He will soften all the starkness
Break the chambers of our darkness
And we’ll all be overwhelmed

He will come. He will come.
He'll remove His flaming garment,
Place it on the lowest harlot,
And we all will see His face.
He will come. He will come.
All my scars will turn to fountains
All my valleys into mountains
And we all will see His face
He will come. He will come.
All you watchmen lift your voices
Then every boy and girl rejoices
when we’ll all be overwhelmed .