How do I smell?

So the title doesn't seem to be as eloquent as I imagined this post to be when i decided to write 30 seconds ago. However, it is the question that ran through my mind like a scrolling marquee as I read this verse:

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is adequate for these things? For we are not like many; peddling the word of God, as from sincerity, but as from God, we speak in Christ in the sight of God. 2 Corinthians 3:4

So I've copied this verse down and maybe I shouldn't write anymore, as scripture does speak for itself. But I have often wondered what my aroma leads people to; life or death? There are a few people in my past in particular that I've had to learn to say a prayer for and move on because I know that I wasn't living in a way that would exemplify Christ's values. I cringe at the thought. What about now? I think on the outside I do so so. On the inside sometimes there is this attitude that creeps up like a ugly green monster and before you know it a spiritual battle is raging in my head. Victory is the Lord's as always, but what am I doing to spark the fight in the first place? Is there a spiritual deodorant that works from the inside out? I suppose that I have it already in the Holy Spirit, need to work on the daily yielding....

Verse 17, YES!! I feel like there is this marketing of Jesus going on out there and as my pastor said once, "we don't need to make God look good, He is good". But how will people know that when we are not speaking from sincerity? I know He is bigger than all my shortcomings and greater than my best day. I still get mixed up in that you don't have to do anything but even that takes effort. I just want to live truth and not get bogged down in too many gray areas.

I'll be somewhere else, doing something else and be filled with something to write, but by the time I get here it's gone, or quickly fading away. I don't like this. And yet I have kids, and other responsibilities and even now I think I'll be writing this in pieces, as my kids are downstairs playing, but that will only last so long. So as I have a moment I'm going to try to get out some of what's been going on in my upstairs region the past week or so.

My last post had the "Cardboard Testimonies" video. I still can't watch it without becoming a bit pheclemped. Mostly I am just humbled by the reminder of how little I recognize the workings of God. Even when I try to think of what my Cardboard Testimony would be my first thought is, "well, really now, what has God done in my life?" This is ridiculous, I know, but I suppose I have always suffered from the comparison complex. I see the big, amazing, in your face testimonies and rarely look in the shadows of what He has done in mine. And He HAS done great things. SO what would my piece of cardboard say....for now it would say, "wanted to jump to the end" flip it, "loving the ride". Even with that I want to add "most of the time" but I suppose that is the point - growth. If I get another tattoo, remind me that I want it to say that (sorry mom :) .

The other night I was thinking about fear. I like to think I'm a no fear type of gal. I've been bungee jumping (which I've learned is not a good thing to tell your life insurance agent), I'd love to sky dive. I have rational fears, like I did get a little naturally freaked on the inside before I went bungee jumping, but I still did it and want to immediately do it again. Still, I was driving home that night and reflecting on my day. I had been horseback riding and it was the first time in at least 6 years. I used to show and ride from ages 9 to 18, so this wasn't completely foreign to me. Still I was slightly nervous. I wasn't afraid of falling of the horse. I was afraid of looking like an idiot. Even more so I was afraid that the person I was with would be able to tell that I didn't want to look like an idiot. As gracious as she was, I'm sure she could tell. Fear of man...grrr. I truly hate it. How many times does the Bible talk about the Lord being on your side, or going before you and whom shall you fear? Tons of times. Enough times that I should know not to fear by now. I should fear nothing but God. At time like this I realize I have no clue how great and mighty our God is, no clue into the concept of eternity.

Inspiring

vulnerability and transparency at its best

Victory