I'll be somewhere else, doing something else and be filled with something to write, but by the time I get here it's gone, or quickly fading away. I don't like this. And yet I have kids, and other responsibilities and even now I think I'll be writing this in pieces, as my kids are downstairs playing, but that will only last so long. So as I have a moment I'm going to try to get out some of what's been going on in my upstairs region the past week or so.

My last post had the "Cardboard Testimonies" video. I still can't watch it without becoming a bit pheclemped. Mostly I am just humbled by the reminder of how little I recognize the workings of God. Even when I try to think of what my Cardboard Testimony would be my first thought is, "well, really now, what has God done in my life?" This is ridiculous, I know, but I suppose I have always suffered from the comparison complex. I see the big, amazing, in your face testimonies and rarely look in the shadows of what He has done in mine. And He HAS done great things. SO what would my piece of cardboard say....for now it would say, "wanted to jump to the end" flip it, "loving the ride". Even with that I want to add "most of the time" but I suppose that is the point - growth. If I get another tattoo, remind me that I want it to say that (sorry mom :) .

The other night I was thinking about fear. I like to think I'm a no fear type of gal. I've been bungee jumping (which I've learned is not a good thing to tell your life insurance agent), I'd love to sky dive. I have rational fears, like I did get a little naturally freaked on the inside before I went bungee jumping, but I still did it and want to immediately do it again. Still, I was driving home that night and reflecting on my day. I had been horseback riding and it was the first time in at least 6 years. I used to show and ride from ages 9 to 18, so this wasn't completely foreign to me. Still I was slightly nervous. I wasn't afraid of falling of the horse. I was afraid of looking like an idiot. Even more so I was afraid that the person I was with would be able to tell that I didn't want to look like an idiot. As gracious as she was, I'm sure she could tell. Fear of man...grrr. I truly hate it. How many times does the Bible talk about the Lord being on your side, or going before you and whom shall you fear? Tons of times. Enough times that I should know not to fear by now. I should fear nothing but God. At time like this I realize I have no clue how great and mighty our God is, no clue into the concept of eternity.